May 2012
1 post
11 tags
Thank the gods for Silvio
As the trials of former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi adjourned for a month, Roman stonemason Giuseppi Luponi, was preparing the billionaire media magnate’s bust for its official unveiling in Rome’s Pincian Gardens next week.
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Prosecutors’ have charged that “a relevant number of young women prostituted themselves with Silvio Berlusconi in his private...
April 2012
1 post
March 2012
1 post
10 tags
Super PACs for the rest of us
Mitt Romney’s Make Us Great Again. Newt Gingrich’s Winning Our Future. Ron Paul’s Endorse Liberty. Rick Santorum’s Red White and Blue Fund. Barack Obama’s PrioritiesUSA Action. They’re called Independent Expenditure Committees. They’re also called Super PACs. Six of one, a half billion of the other, they’re the result of the U.S. Supreme Court’s 2010 decision in Citizens...
October 2011
1 post
13 tags
WatchWonton
September 2011
2 posts
June 2011
1 post
Ron Hagglesoap Forms a Presidential Exploratory...
On the evening of May 6, 2011, Ron Hagglesoap called a press conference to announce he’d formed a Presidential Exploratory Committee. Ron Hagglesoap, a cable car operator in Patoka, Ind. had never called a press conference before, but he felt sure that calling a press conference was the correct thing to do immediately after forming a Presidential Exploratory Committee. And so he did. Billy Furt,...
May 2011
1 post
March 2011
1 post
14 tags
WatchTrailer for the most frightening movie ever made. Ever.
February 2011
8 posts
3 tags
Bauman Really Rare Books
My second humor piece in Esquire landed in this month’s (Nov. 2010) edition. If you didn’t catch the first one, it’s here.
Here are the ones included in the magazine - followed by a few that didn’t make the cut.
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Why Print Still Matters
A sampling from our new catalog of hard-to-find titles.
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Barbara Eden My Story, 1989 First edition, first printing of Eden’s classic take on the...
5 tags
The O'Callaghan Awards
For O’Callaghan Awards, another group of…ummm…iconoclasts?
By Sage Warlockheart Herald Staff Writer
NEW YORK - A chef who whimsically combines scraps of used latex yoga mats with benzocaine to feed out-of-work circus podiatrists; an Austrian poet based in Brazil who uses dental floss to suspend live bullfrogs over pools of ketchup; and Lucy from “Peanuts” are among the 14 recipients of...
20 tags
"Let's Move" is only latest First Lady initiative
First Lady Michelle Obama recently outlined her initiative to eliminate childhood obesity within a generation. In her kickoff speech for what the Obama administration is calling the “Let’s Move” campaign, Mrs. Obama said “the physical and emotional health of an entire generation and the economic health and security of our nation is at stake.”
“This isn’t the kind of problem that can be solved...
10 tags
Bad Scene, Vol. II: "Battlefield Earth"
“Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000″ (2000) written by J.D. Shapiro and Corey Mandell. Based on the novel by L. Ron Hubbard. Directed by Roger Christian.
Starring John Travolta as TERL - fresh off well-regarded performances in “A Civil Action” and “Primary Colors.” Seven years before “Wild Hogs,” nine years before “Old Dogs” and 11 years before “Wild Hogs 2: Bachelor Ride.”
Starring...
12 tags
Bad Scene, Vol. I: "Staying Alive"
“Staying Alive,” (1983) written and directed by Sylvester Stallone (music by Frank Stallone)
Starring John Travolta - reprising his role as Tony Manero from “Saturday Night Fever” (1977)
Starring Finola Hughes - who 20 years later would become a QVC home shopping network star - as dance diva and Manero’s paramour, and fellow cast member, Laura
Starring Cynthia Rhodes - who would one day...
4 tags
A message for our clients
August, 2009
Dear [client’s name],
Gambatte kudasai! That’s what our intern Keiko - whom we had to fire in June - would say to us when things looked bleakest. Keep your chin up, she’d say with a smile. And then we’d close our door.
Autumn is nearly here and as dire as things may seem out there in the publishing world, we are committed to representing your projects, at least through...
4 tags
Notes on Contributors
My Esquire piece, “Notes on Contributors,” landed on the magazine’s website Saturday. You can also see the real, live print version in the current November issue - Halle Berry on the cover - on page 170.
The editors chose eight “Notes” but I’d submitted a bunch more. Here are the rest:
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Paul Gaggerns and his wife live in a gully outside Houston where they raised three children and...
January 2011
2 posts
1 tag
Memo to NYSE traders on “Oh, no” body language
MEMO
TO: Floor traders
FROM: NYSE Group, Inc. Communications Team
RE: Body language/facial expressions during Big Board free falls
————————————–
Gentlemen,
As you all know, these are difficult times for Money. And when Money is hurting, America turns to Wall Street to gauge just how much.
That’s where you come in.
When Money is screeching in pain, as it has been in recent weeks, banging...
If car marketers went to divinity school
When I was in graduate school, I kept a list of terms that I thought would make great car names:
Buick Jebusite
Subaru Parousia
Mitsubishi Pentateuch
Cadillac Invictus
Chrysler Crusade
Dodge Pharoah
Kia Qoheleth
Oldsmobile Monte Casino
Toyota Tormentum
Peugeot Citeaux
Ford Apostasy
Mercury Hosea
Rolls Royce Hijra
Honda Chrysostom
Pontiac Pleroma
Mazda Didache
Lincoln...